Kayak Lesson #2

We did it again.

This time we laughed and laughed without peeing our pants since we're experienced kayakers now. And to prove it, we showed each other our spectacular black and blue thighs. They are like matching honour badges and quite sizeable ones at that. Easily the size of my spread hand. I proudly showed them off at work, puckering cellulite be damned!

Getting in and out was no easier this time. In fact, we had other things to contend with. Lynda outfitted us each with a PFD (Personal Flotation Device)and kayak skirt. The two PFDs were different and I grabbed one at random. The wrong one. It belongs to her flat-chested husband and I felt the difference immediately. He's a muscular fellow but apparently my chest is bigger. Odd. When I first tried on the vest the panels wouldn't even bend around the front but stuck out straight under my armpits.

I unbuckled the bottom straps which allowed the zipper to meet in the front under my breasts. Not a hope in hell of getting that zipper up. Lynda took one look, expertly unbuckled the other straps and when the zipper still wouldn't budge, jiggled it around and gave a final violent jerk. Success! I was breathless. Where do your boobs go when they're flattened between a PFD and your sternum? I know! They morph into pizza plates.

Lynda hands me the kayak skirt. Oh. That should have gone on first.

I am now outfitted in my kayak skirt and PFD and it's time to get into the kayak. Having done this before, I expertly straddle the kayak. So far so good. Lynda helpfully steadies the front and I'm seriously grateful. As I slowly sink into the hole I discover (a) it's still a tight fit. Damn. and (b) I can no longer see the entry hole!! I can, however, when I look straight ahead at the horizon, see the pointy front of the kayak. Yikes.

Lynda and Sue tell me when I am centered over the hole and I obediently drop down. Squeeze, actually. The kayak teeters precariously and Lynda tells me to wait, balance. I do. Time for the legs. Since I can't see the hole in front of me, I grab my right ankle with both hands and forcibly try to push it in, groping totally by feel. Did I mention that I broke my toe on Monday? Probing for an opening with a broken toe is a fairly effective method of quickly learning where there is solid kayak and where there is not.

The rest is lovely. The paddling is fun and Lynda shows us how to engage the rudder by reaching behind and pulling on the right cord to lower it, and the left cord to raise it. The rudders are great because my short legs can reach the pedals but like cruise control, you have to get up some speed before they work their magic so I must admit I haven't tested them fully.

The day ends well. We had gorgeous weather when we started and watch as dark clouds gather across the lake. Finally, we decide it's a better plan to call it a day before the clouds catch up to us and we have to mount the kayaks onto the truck in pouring rain.

Lynda's husband shows up unexpectedly to help but we're done. He was going to take us for ice cream but darn it all, ice cream doesn't make those kayaks fit any easier!

Comments

Haloranch said…
The paddle boats would be such a relief!

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